“You can’t have deep conversations in online meetings. For this you have to meet in person.” This is a remark we often hear.
Hmm…
We experience the contrary, curious and meaningful conversations that go deep.
- We feel alive, excited, surprised, sometimes frustrated or angry, sometimes happy and joyful.
- We feel connected with our fellow discussion partners on a very human level and a sense of trust in each other is established.
- We feel inspired and nurtured. Each time we learn something new about ourselves, the others and the questions in discussion.
So, yes, you can have deep conversations online.
If we can, you can too.
We even dare to say, having good online conversations is not so difficult. Or maybe as difficult as having a curious conversation in a physical room.
Ok, sitting together with a group around a table helps eventually. But that is no guarantee either. The conversation can get stuck or never take off.
Blaming technology is easy
In virtual groups, you can always blame technology. Or you tell yourself already from the start that deep conversations online are not possible.
But then you cheat yourself without even trying.
The challenge is not technology.
The challenge is human.
It is us, the human beings and the organisations we built – our personal and collective habits, attitudes and mindsets – that get in the way of meaningful and curious conversations online.
- Do you have opportunities in your organization, team, network, partnership to have curious conversations? Is there space in meetings that allows to go deeper and beyond the bullet point type of exchanges? Do you feel safe and invited to enter in conversation?
- Are you ready to step in conversation and open up to others? Do you dare to share and say out loud what you think? Are you fine in pushing your personal comfort zone?
A lot has been said, blogged and shared about what it takes to have good conversations. Discover the richness of David Gurteen’s online book Conversational Leadership: The Power of Conversation, or watch the TED talk by Celeste Headlee on 10 ways to have a better conversation or listen to Myriam Hardness podcast with Daniel Stillman Conversations matter! How to design group conversations.
When it comes to curious conversions online, we would boil it down to one insight:
Not the virtual connections but the human connections are the basis for good conversation.
Don’t wait till you can meet in person again to have a deep and curious conversation online.
Because, being in conversation is essential.
- To feel alive and human at work
- To feel connected and part of a group, team, network or community
- To feel inspired and nurtured
Curious conversations give space for opportunities and possibilities that otherwise wouldn’t be there.
Institute of Curiosity (via David Gurteen) Blog via David Gurteen
So, how to invite for meaningful conversations online?
Create the right atmosphere.
Inviting for a conversation means offering time and space for conversation. Certainly not occupying the space with your questions only.
Real conversations aren’t templated.
Lee Ryan
Choose a simple process
For example an Unhurried Conversation creates enough of a container and structure to get started (check the manual here and here). Other Formats could be: Virtual Knowledge Cafe, Conversation Cafe, Circle Practice.
At the beginning, give people a chance to connect.
We normally open the virtual room 15 minutes prior to the start for an informal exchange like you would do in the physical space. Welcoming people personally with their name when they enter the virtual room supports an inviting atmosphere. These first welcoming exchanges – small talk – are accommodating. A check-in helps to ‘break the ice’ and to create first connections.
Establish a common ground
Together with your fellow conversation partners, establish some common ground so that everyone feels at ease.
For example:
- Be present and listen fully
- Suspend judgement and listen to understand
- Ask curious questions
Be brave enough to share, kind enough to listen, and you can escape the shallows of small talk to dive deep with another.
Lucy Foulkes
Privilege smaller groups, they are more intimate
In an online environment, the size of the group for conversations tends to be smaller. An intimate conversation needs an intimate group. The number matters. So does time.
Go for 1 hour with max 8-12 people.
Or split the group into smaller groups of 3-5.
Give space to everyone to contribute and not only listen. Engage everyone, don’t go for half-committed discussions in which some drift off into their email inbox.
Dare to have a conversation online and bring your curiosity along.
Schedule an unhurried conversation or a circle or a conversation cafe with your team.
Or join one yourself, see and experience that online conversations are a gift.
Enjoy!
In our next blog post, we will dive deeper into the question why we think it is important that teams, groups and networks enjoy more conversations, also online.
Upcoming opportunities
Registration for the next round of Bringing your Online Meetings & Workshops Alive starting on January 18, 2022 is now open! Interesting Early Bird till 10th of December.